By Kari Bratager and Dwight Scull

What is Abuse?

Abuse is when one person in power or authority over another person, uses that power or authority to gratify their own needs at the expense of the weaker person, with ongoing detrimental effects to both parties, especially the victim.

What this means is that normally a person who is older (although if a younger person has more power or authority they are capable of abuse as well) uses another person for their own self-gratification and because of this act there are detrimental effects, which we will list later in the article.

Categories of Abuse

This gratification can be classified into five basic categories: 1) Physical, 2) Sexual, 3) Emotional, 4) Spiritual, and 5) Neglect. Before going into a brief explanation of each of these categories it is important to understand that most abuse that people have experienced is not confined to only one of the above categories and certain incidents of abuse can include any to all of the above.

1. Physical Abuse is basically the act of physically assaulting a person. The typical example is of a battered wife. The spectrum of abuse includes everything from verbally threatening violence to beating a person to death.
2. Sexual Abuse is the act of sexually violating someone. The typical example is of a child being molested by an adult. The spectrum of abuse includes everything from sexually inappropriate jokes to penetration/rape.
3. Emotional Abuse is the act of demeaning a person emotionally. The typical example is of a father calling their child stupid, worthless, whore, etc. until those labels become imprinted on the child’s identity. The spectrum of abuse includes everything from one time name calling to saying something horrible about a person enough times that they begin to live out that name in their life.
4. Spiritual Abuse is basically any of type of abuse that also has a religious or God element invoked. The typical example would be of an altar boy being molested by a priest. This is sexual abuse but because of the position the priest holds to the altar boy it is also spiritual abuse. The spectrum of abuse includes everything from telling people to “just pray about it” (or to ignore the problem the person has) to using Bible verses to justify a person’s abusive actions to one another.
5. Neglect is abuse because the person is choosing to ignore the basic human needs of another human being, because their desires are more important than another’s needs. The typical example is locking a child in a closet all day so that the guardian does not have to deal with the child. The spectrum of abuse includes not teaching a child about the basics of life, hygiene, social norms, etc, to literally killing a child because of lack of food, care, water, etc.

Given this list, everyone on the planet has probably been abused at least once, but that does not necessarily mean that you are an abuse victim. To be an abuse victim means that that act(s) has profoundly shaped the way that you relate to yourself, others and/or God.

Effects of Abuse

Here is a list of possible effects from abuse, just because you have some of these effects does not make you an abuse victim but if you can connect the effect to an event or series of events then it is possible that you are an abuse victim.

• Emotional Difficulties
  • Fear or shyness
  • Depression
    • Talk about suicide
    • Attempt suicide
  • Self-Esteem issues (low to grandiose)
    • Shame
    • Contempt
  • Fear of certain adults or places (primarily in children)
  • Guilt
  • Anger
  • Grief
  • Ambivalence
  • Powerlessness
  • Betrayal
  • Arrested emotional development
    • Unable to form healthy trust
    • Mistrust
• Engage in Self-Destructive Behaviors
  • Use alcohol or other drugs
  • Compulsive Disorders
  • Eating Disorders
  • Rejection of body
  • Self Injury
• Cognitive Difficulties
  • Neurological Development is Stunted
  • Learning problems
  • Search for Normalcy
  • Double Think
  • Disassociation
  • Memory (repression, false, PTSD)
• Relational Difficulties
  • They may abuse their own families
  • Use violence to solve problems
  • Behavior problems
  • Sexual dysfunction and addiction
  • Premature sexual arousal
  • Compulsive sexual behavior
  • Sexual anorexia
  • Co-dependency
  • Boundaries
    • Too many boundaries
    • No boundaries
• Bad dreams
• Physical Complaints
• Control Issues

Like we said before there are some other possible causes for many of these effects besides past abuse, but if you are in doubt please talk to someone that is trained in these areas and they can help you figure out if you have been abused and if that is what is currently holding you back today from being everything that God created you to be.

Hope for Abusers

While it is a current theory that there is no hope for abusers, we believe that abusers can change as they work through their own issues and addictions. Our understanding is that many abusers were also abused at some point in their history. For many of these people being abusive is a way of reenacting their own unresolved abuse. As a result we realize that in order to heal most abusers may need to work through their own past abuse.

Getting Help

Well the first step is to find a counselor, support group, pastor, or anyone else that is both trained in abuse and you feel you can trust. Sometimes the first step is to mention it to a trusted friend that will not judge you and can help you find a trained professional to help you.

Recommended Resources:

Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health - Here is a statement that speaks about treatment vs punishment for sexual offenders.

The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Vanvonderen